Posted in know better do better, mindset

Ladies, say what you mean

I saw a meme, a chart for interpreting what women mean: when they say this, they mean this.

I hate it.

There seems to be a cultural acceptance that women don’t say what they mean. Men know it’s true. Women joke about its truth.

Have I mentioned that I hate it?

First of all, people of any sex are, at times, guilty of not saying what they mean. This is one of those things that’s a human problem that is labeled a female problem.

That said… ladies, say what you mean.

Speaking in generalities:

It’s a lot harder—in some cases, impossible—for a woman to be taken seriously at work. Read some accounts of transgender people who kept the same job but with colleagues who were unaware. They will tell you the stark differences between being a man at work and being a woman at work, regardless of which they transitioned to or from.

It’s a lot harder for a woman to be taken seriously by medical personnel. This is a substantial problem on countless levels.

I’ve read a few accounts by men of when they realized they weren’t taking their wives seriously, dismissing concerns via the label “just being emotional.”

This poisons everything.

Ladies, say what you mean. You don’t have to be nasty to be straightforward. (That might be a skill you need to get help with and practice. Again, a skill that the majority of people could use some help with.)

I know I know I KNOW that you want him to just know because you’ve been together and why doesn’t he know? Or because IT’S OBVIOUS and how can he not know? I get it. But you know what? He doesn’t. Tell him. Kindly. He’s not a mind reader, just like you’re not a mind reader, and if he wants or needs something, he should tell you. (This is another thing that goes both ways.)

(There are a lot of other things packed in there that I’m not going to unpack here and now. The “invisible load” that women carry—especially women with children—is real. But I don’t think that everything in our lives falls into that backpack.)

Stop believing that women need interpreters. Stop being a woman (or a man!) who needs an interpreter. Use your words.