Posted in connections, mindset, vulnerability

You can’t build good connections through negatives

You might have heard … there are two really popular series that are at their last stop.

I’d love to tell you about them, but I don’t know very much.

Avengers is superheroes, right? And Game of Thrones is a Netflix show, maybe?

I could look it up, but I’m not that invested in it.

I don’t generally watch TV. I rarely go to movies.

(There are lots of reasons behind these, and that’s how I originally started this post, but I got to a point where I had written a lot, looked at it, and thought, “Who cares?” I did save the draft, and if you’re interested, let me know and I’ll share it.)

Regardless, I know close to nothing (though I read a piece that a friend posted about Arya’s sex scene this season…so now I know a few character’s names…). And I don’t care that I know close to nothing. People who are a little defensive label me as proud of my ignorance, but it just is.

And, thanks to social media, I know that there are lots of other people who have never watched GoT, either. (“I’m not going to see Avengers” hasn’t been a thing as much.)

The thing is—it’s only the people who watch it who have a tribe (with regards to it).

You can’t build a tribe—a real one—based on hate. On a negative.

Because as soon as your common ground is “we hate the same stuff,” it becomes unsafe to share things that you actually like (much less things that you’re excited about) because of fear (and likelihood) of being ousted from the group.

Also, there’s not much conversation surrounding “we both don’t care about this thing.” That’s your point of connection. Maybe you have a conversation about why (I’ve not often seen this happen, but it could), and maybe your “why”s match, and you end up finding random things in common and build a lovely friendship.

But most often, “I don’t [watch that show/like that music/eat that food/etc.]” is a dead end.

Building connections on things in common allows for the possibility of deeper connections, of increased vulnerability, which leads to more satisfying relationships.

Go for the positive.