Sometimes, we find ourselves in an emotional ditch, and we need to breathe for a minute, drink a glass of water, take a walk around the block, and pull ourselves out of it. Not everything is a “bootstraps” situation, so sometimes when we find ourselves in an emotional ditch, we need to ask for help. … Read more
I was walking along the canal with a girlfriend. It was early morning but the sun was up. We had a conversation about passers-by. She doesn’t trust them. She checked out everyone who came towards us with a quick glance over her shoulder after we’d passed them. It didn’t matter who they were, how many … Read more
It’s been 15 years. Fifteen years ago yesterday, unable to breathe deeply or while laying down, I was admitted to my local hospital with what would eventually be diagnosed as Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. It was a long road—two weeks until treatment started (though plenty of unpleasantries in those two weeks). Six months of chemo (extended by … Read more
On Ordinary Chaos, I interviewed three beautiful people who happen to be trans. (Listen to those here, here, and here, or wherever you get your podcasts.) I have known all three of them for a long time—between 15 and 30 years—well before any of them transitioned. There are closeted gays I’ve loved before and after … Read more
Validation is a beautiful thing on any day, especially valuable on a rough day or in a rough season. Anyone not having a rough season? We often think about this in the context of an argument or disagreement where we would like our points validated, but it’s applicable to many circumstances. • You belong here. … Read more
Sometimes, we have stuff going on and a friend will make an inquiry. This is a good thing—we want our friends to notice and care when we have stuff going on. We want them to try to understand us, right? But we’ve all been there, where someone asked us about what was going on and … Read more
The persona of the tortured artist is so commonplace that we don’t often think twice about its validity. The first place I remember seeing pushback against it was by Hannah Gadsby, in this little clip from a larger work. More recently for me, it came up in Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert, where she points … Read more
The following things happened in one 40-minute conversation with my brilliant book club. One member noted that in this week’s lesson for an online course she’s taking, the book we’re reading came to mind several times because the messages were similar. Another noted that in several spaces in her life recently, including our book, people … Read more
A memory that came up from third grade or younger… I’m watching a couple of adults have a conversation. The person talking isn’t noticing that the person listening is clearly not interested in what they have to say. Fear of being clueless like that is part of what stopped me from talking much to people … Read more
I don’t watch TV, rarely watch movies, and don’t know who a lot of famous people are. So if I know Will Smith hit Chris Rock at the Oscars earlier this week because of a tasteless joke Rock made about Smith’s wife, I assume you also know. Others have picked the event apart from a … Read more