Blame God! Or be quiet.

I heard it when I was diagnosed with cancer and in other less-potentially-lethal situations. I hear it said to and about other people in precarious financial positions, in unenviable health crises, in situations with their kids or their siblings or their parents. “It’s God’s will.” Is it supposed to relieve the afflicted of guilt? Comfort … Read more

Self-awareness in helping other people

Piggybacking on last week’s post about knowing your strengths—if you don’t know what skills you have that other people don’t, you typically can’t help them or teach them very well. For example: I’m not good at starting conversations with people I don’t know without context. Not one of my strengths.  In a variety of contexts … Read more

On letting go of weaknesses

We tend not to see our own strengths because those skills come to us easily, whether developing the skill was easy or not. Sometimes, we don’t see our strengths because they’ve been downplayed by others over time and we’ve taken to believing the naysayers. This leads to us downplaying our skills while overemphasizing/coveting others’ skills … Read more

Empathy does not equal enabling

I got some pushback on Tuesday’s post about we the people needing more empathy. Let me muddy the waters a little. You can have empathy for a person’s situation without letting them do whatever they want. You can—often—help a person who is struggling without enabling bad choices. An example: You give your kid an objectively … Read more

Perpetual low-level fear of violence by men

I was walking along the canal with a girlfriend. It was early morning but the sun was up. We had a conversation about passers-by. She doesn’t trust them. She checked out everyone who came towards us with a quick glance over her shoulder after we’d passed them. It didn’t matter who they were, how many … Read more