Perpetual low-level fear of violence by men

I was walking along the canal with a girlfriend. It was early morning but the sun was up. We had a conversation about passers-by. She doesn’t trust them. She checked out everyone who came towards us with a quick glance over her shoulder after we’d passed them. It didn’t matter who they were, how many … Read more

Cancer: my 15-year rant

photo of me with a shaved head and a PICC in my arm together with my dog and a dog toy

It’s been 15 years. Fifteen years ago yesterday, unable to breathe deeply or while laying down, I was admitted to my local hospital with what would eventually be diagnosed as Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  It was a long road—two weeks until treatment started (though plenty of unpleasantries in those two weeks). Six months of chemo (extended by … Read more

You’re audible, even if you don’t know you know

On Ordinary Chaos, I interviewed three beautiful people who happen to be trans. (Listen to those here, here, and here, or wherever you get your podcasts.)  I have known all three of them for a long time—between 15 and 30 years—well before any of them transitioned. There are closeted gays I’ve loved before and after … Read more

Creating a culture of validation

Validation is a beautiful thing on any day, especially valuable on a rough day or in a rough season. Anyone not having a rough season? We often think about this in the context of an argument or disagreement where we would like our points validated, but it’s applicable to many circumstances. • You belong here. … Read more

Audio editing vs photo editing with a splash of ableism

While editing podcasts recently, I had a thought. Am I doing the audio equivalent of Photoshopping the cellulite or wrinkles off a model? In some cases, the answer is an easy “no.” The dog barks and we have a laugh about it and I cut it out. The connection fritzes for a moment and I … Read more

Changes in how life changes

photo of a cloth-covered journal

I’m an extremely sentimental person, especially about people. Someone recently asked, “Do you collect people?” Why yes, yes I do. If you and I have had any remotely significant relationship at any point in my life for any length of time, you are a piece of me. For better or for worse. Regardless the state … Read more