Posted in differences, know better do better, mindset, parenting, vulnerability

I used to write anti-abortion poetry

People change.

In fact, people should be (and in some cases, are) encouraged to change.

When you know better, do better. (That’s change.)

So I’m conflicted about judging politicians, for example, by stances they held 20 or 30 years ago. (This is also perhaps an indicator that we shouldn’t have career politicians, but that’s another argument for another day.)

In some cases, they’ve changed. Perhaps, like me, they were on the wrong side of history then, but they learned and changed.

In some cases, they haven’t changed a bit. But the fact that they were racist/misogynistic/homophobic 20 years ago still isn’t relevant, necessarily. Just that that’s how they are now.

(Of course, in some cases, they’re the same but pretend not to be.)

Outside of politics, part of the reason that families can become problematic is because so often they remember you from back in the day and refuse to let that person go. And sometimes argue with you about the validity of the new pieces. Especially if they feel threatened by the change, and/orĀ the family culture is one of put-downs.

Longstanding friends can be like this, too.

In either case, we can see and honor change, or we can see and resist change. (Denial is included in resistance.) The fear of rejection of the “new you” is a big reason people keep quiet and don’t display their improved selves.

Embrace positive change.

(Two problems there: “positive” is subjective and change is hard.)

Let everyone around you have space to do better when they know better.

And when you do it? Own it. Your confidence is contagious and it bleeds confidence onto others, even if the people closest resist.