I’ve had so many conversations in so many realms in recent weeks that play into this notion.
In a training, we were talking about why people are resistant to change. This was my contribution to the conversation.
My parents are loud-and-proud racist. (I’ll refrain from listing examples.) In order for them to change, they have decades of their own bad behavior to contend with.
This is more than many people can deal with. It’s easier for people just to pretend they still don’t know better, to dig deeper, cover their ears and sing LALALA louder rather than acknowledge that they were wrong and have done immeasurable damage along the way.
People, here’s your permission slip: it is OK for you to change. It is OK for the person you ARE and the person you WERE to be at odds with each other.
There are people I was shitty towards, because of beliefs and attitudes I had. (Dear all the people I proselytized in high school: I’m sorry.)
Instead of thinking I need to stay on that path—which ultimately makes me shitty towards more people going forwards—I can (and have) change(d), and the damage, while not negated, is minimized.
This applies to everything. Social attitudes. Diet/exercise/sleep habits. Parenting styles. Education. Financial health. Interpersonal relationship habits. Anger management.
When you know better, do better. Forgive your past self. Thank your past self for all she/he has taught you. As needed/possible, make amends with people you’ve hurt. And move forward. But you don’t move forward or grow staying stuck in the past.
(Where are you stuck?)