It doesn’t feel right to prattle on about the usual things today.
The problem of gun violence is overwhelming.
The problem of black people murdered by police is overwhelming.
The problem of racism is overwhelming.
There are solutions or partial solutions to these, and we rationalize our way around them.
How do we connect when there’s little to no willingness for vulnerability? If you show up for the conversation with your army and I show up with mine, the best possible outcome is a stalemate.
“You go first” “No you go first” has the same result.
We—white people—have so much fear of losing.
Community isn’t a zero-sum game. When the “least” among us does better, everyone does better. (I hate the word “least” because of the value judgment. What if our gold standard was compassion? The “least” among us would be some very different people…and it would be better for everyone.)
We’re all people. We all have some similarities in emotions and wants and needs. But not everyone’s life and experience and motivation is the same as yours. (And it’s often not what you judge it to be, either.)
Listen.
Especially when you’re triggered or feel dismissive.
Listen.
It’s not about you.
To my friends of color, to other people of color who I’m not acquainted with… to the mamas…
It’s easy to say “I can’t imagine what you’re going through” and to offer a platitude that way.
I don’t want to offer platitudes. So I took some time, and I sat, and I imagined it, the best that I can.
And I wept.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry that this is part of your parenthood. I’m sorry that this is what we offer you. I’m sorry I can’t fix it. I feel like my voice doesn’t matter—because it’s small, because it’s white, because the people who need the lessons aren’t listening—but for whatever audience I have, in a variety of contexts, my voice is all I have.