I run cold. If I’m in a room with a lot of people and I’m comfortable, I assume that the majority of the people in the room are somewhere between a bit warm and uncomfortably warm. This is part of why living in Phoenix is a good choice for me (though the ridiculous amount of … Read more
The thing about families … it’s most often the people who are unpleasant who “win” because we don’t want to cause problems. We somehow take ownership of others’ bad behavior. When we avoid saying something or trying to change something, when we show up even though it’s awful and silently wait for it to pass, … Read more
This holiday is such a big part of American culture … I think that gathering with people who are important to you is important, and we’ve created such a culture of busy-ness that we need a holiday to make us stop and do it. I think preparing a large, formal meal is something lost (see: … Read more
This post is for anyone who will be hosting any type of gathering this holiday season, especially if it’s one—like Thanksgiving dinner—that has a very definite set of expectations around it. Lots of things can be good enough and everyone will be happy. The people who are not happy with good enough are never happy … Read more
When you are Other in your family—for whatever reason—holidays are stressful. I always felt trapped on Thanksgiving and Christmas, because “the holidays are about family” but my family was toxic. There was nowhere else to go when I was living at home, and it took me moving across the country to be able to set … Read more
I have a pet peeve. People say there are no seasons in Phoenix. I’m here to tell you: they’re wrong. Our high this summer was 117 or 118. There are often nights where, at 10:00, it’s still over 100 degrees. For weeks at a time, it doesn’t dip below 90 overnight. Recently, we’ve had an … Read more
I listened to Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown. (OK, I listened to part of it. But audiobooks and I have a complicated relationship, and I didn’t finish it before it was due back at the library.) Given my unpleasant relationship with my family of origin, this quote spoke to me. There is something comforting … Read more
I have a love-hate relationship with birthdays. Not because of the aging part. I’m not worried about that much most days. I like to get positive attention. I can show you the roots for that—I know where it comes from—but that doesn’t change that it is true. I’ve accomplished quite a bit professionally, which has … Read more
Much like the book quotes, sometimes, there’s something from a podcast that makes me stop what I’m doing, rewind, and write it down. This one is from The Wilderness, Chapter 15. Beginning almost half an hour in, he’s talking with Barack Obama. Obama says this: “To some degree, this goes back to something you often … Read more
People change over time, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, probably most often a combination. Ideally, we’d have more “for the better.” This is the thing: if you don’t own your past, it owns you. If you did something shitty and/or stupid 20 years ago and it resurfaces (reason irrelevant), there are a … Read more