If I’m giving focus to something, maybe I just want to get it done, and maybe it’s something enjoyable that I want to give my time and energy to. Either way, I want to stay focused. The pinging of the phone is as disruptive to my focus as the alarm clock is to my sleep. … Read more
Twice in the last few months, two middle-age or older men who know me only in the context of Heat have addressed me as Heather. Both went a bit out of their way to ensure I’d notice they called me Heather and not Heat. I think it’s weird. I’ve been told explicitly—also by middle-aged or … Read more
Sometimes, we find ourselves in an emotional ditch, and we need to breathe for a minute, drink a glass of water, take a walk around the block, and pull ourselves out of it. Not everything is a “bootstraps” situation, so sometimes when we find ourselves in an emotional ditch, we need to ask for help. … Read more
I was walking along the canal with a girlfriend. It was early morning but the sun was up. We had a conversation about passers-by. She doesn’t trust them. She checked out everyone who came towards us with a quick glance over her shoulder after we’d passed them. It didn’t matter who they were, how many … Read more
I was on Zoom with half a dozen other people. One person talked for a while about something he knew about that the rest of us didn’t. People listened, asked questions as he went, and the whole exchange was positive and fruitful. “Thank you for educating us,” someone said when the conversation wound down. It … Read more
On Ordinary Chaos, I interviewed three beautiful people who happen to be trans. (Listen to those here, here, and here, or wherever you get your podcasts.) I have known all three of them for a long time—between 15 and 30 years—well before any of them transitioned. There are closeted gays I’ve loved before and after … Read more
Validation is a beautiful thing on any day, especially valuable on a rough day or in a rough season. Anyone not having a rough season? We often think about this in the context of an argument or disagreement where we would like our points validated, but it’s applicable to many circumstances. • You belong here. … Read more
Sometimes, we have stuff going on and a friend will make an inquiry. This is a good thing—we want our friends to notice and care when we have stuff going on. We want them to try to understand us, right? But we’ve all been there, where someone asked us about what was going on and … Read more
A memory that came up from third grade or younger… I’m watching a couple of adults have a conversation. The person talking isn’t noticing that the person listening is clearly not interested in what they have to say. Fear of being clueless like that is part of what stopped me from talking much to people … Read more
I don’t watch TV, rarely watch movies, and don’t know who a lot of famous people are. So if I know Will Smith hit Chris Rock at the Oscars earlier this week because of a tasteless joke Rock made about Smith’s wife, I assume you also know. Others have picked the event apart from a … Read more