I’ve been having problems with my ankles. “Well, you’re getting older.” It’s not inherently or exclusively an age problem, and I fiercely resist this mindset. Lots of people my age and older—including much older—don’t have problems with their ankles. If it was an age problem, most people my age and older would share this problem. … Read more
We tend not to see our own strengths because those skills come to us easily, whether developing the skill was easy or not. Sometimes, we don’t see our strengths because they’ve been downplayed by others over time and we’ve taken to believing the naysayers. This leads to us downplaying our skills while overemphasizing/coveting others’ skills … Read more
If I’m giving focus to something, maybe I just want to get it done, and maybe it’s something enjoyable that I want to give my time and energy to. Either way, I want to stay focused. The pinging of the phone is as disruptive to my focus as the alarm clock is to my sleep. … Read more
Twice in the last few months, two middle-age or older men who know me only in the context of Heat have addressed me as Heather. Both went a bit out of their way to ensure I’d notice they called me Heather and not Heat. I think it’s weird. I’ve been told explicitly—also by middle-aged or … Read more
Running stone steps with tired legs, I fell and split open my knee, or just below my knee. As part of the assessment as to whether or not it needed stitches, I was told that it would probably leave less or no scar if it received formal medical attention. That’s not really important to me … Read more
Sometimes, we find ourselves in an emotional ditch, and we need to breathe for a minute, drink a glass of water, take a walk around the block, and pull ourselves out of it. Not everything is a “bootstraps” situation, so sometimes when we find ourselves in an emotional ditch, we need to ask for help. … Read more
I was walking along the canal with a girlfriend. It was early morning but the sun was up. We had a conversation about passers-by. She doesn’t trust them. She checked out everyone who came towards us with a quick glance over her shoulder after we’d passed them. It didn’t matter who they were, how many … Read more
It’s been 15 years. Fifteen years ago yesterday, unable to breathe deeply or while laying down, I was admitted to my local hospital with what would eventually be diagnosed as Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. It was a long road—two weeks until treatment started (though plenty of unpleasantries in those two weeks). Six months of chemo (extended by … Read more
On Ordinary Chaos, I interviewed three beautiful people who happen to be trans. (Listen to those here, here, and here, or wherever you get your podcasts.) I have known all three of them for a long time—between 15 and 30 years—well before any of them transitioned. There are closeted gays I’ve loved before and after … Read more
Validation is a beautiful thing on any day, especially valuable on a rough day or in a rough season. Anyone not having a rough season? We often think about this in the context of an argument or disagreement where we would like our points validated, but it’s applicable to many circumstances. • You belong here. … Read more