Posted in just a quote, mindset, podcasts, thoughtfulness

Podcast quote: evidence vs. belief

A quote from Seth Godin via his podcast Akimbo. It stands on its own. (This quote is actually from the Q&A at the end of the linked episode. Emphases are his.)

Where it’s starting to get tricky, in the last hundred years, is that the scientific method, the engineers’ approach to the world, the thought of testing, measuring, understanding processes means that many of the arguments that people make sound like arguments that are based on that engineers’ approach.

But while it may sound that way, that’s not really what’s being said. That what is really being said is, ‘This is something I believe. This is part of my identity. This is who I have chosen to be culturally, and I’m going to dress it up in the uniform of the scientific method.’

This drives engineers and actual scientists crazy, because when they’re doing their job properly, the scientific method forces them to change their mind in the face of a better argument.

But of course, as we’ve all experienced, people who are coming from a place of belief cannot change their mind in the face of a better argument because that’s why it’s called ‘belief.’ That belief withstands a better argument and we get pleasure out of believing it.

Posted in follow-up, know better do better, podcasts, tips

“I don’t know how to interact with women any more.”

In blog writing, I have a few rules I’ve set for myself. Always proofread at least twice (once immediately and once after walking away, ideally for a day, but an hour will do in a pinch). Don’t share identifying information about people or share other people’s stories that aren’t mine to tell (unless I have permission). And listen to the whole podcast (or read the whole book, or whatever) before sharing pieces of it.

I broke the last rule yesterday. I had 20 or so minutes left of Michael Gervais’s interview with Abby Wambach when yesterday’s post went live. Because I listen a lot less in the summer than during the school year (less time in the car; more time with The Kid in the car), I didn’t get to finishing it until later.

While the quote I picked out was indeed a good one, if I was going to choose one bit of that interview to focus on, it wouldn’t have been that one … if I had listened to the whole thing.

What might I have focused on instead?

They talked about the plight of men right now, and how so many are lamenting that they don’t know how to interact with women any more since the rules are changing. (To be honest, they had a lot more empathy in that than I do.)

Her advice?

“Mind your own body.”

Simple. Largely effective. Keep your hands, eyes, and body-based comments to yourself. Doesn’t address systemic issues or things of that sort, but for your basic, daily interactions? It should get the job done.

She also talked about inequalities between men’s and women’s sports. If your argument is “men’s sports make more money!” this would be a good clip for you to listen to. (I believe Freakonomics also addressed that a bit, but I couldn’t tell you what episode … or even what season…)

So if these pique your interest, listen to maybe the last half hour. Or just listen to the whole thing. It was interesting.

(And I will stick to my rules in the future!)

Posted in mindset, podcasts

Podcast quote: avoiding regrets

Via recommendation, I I have now listened to my first episode of Finding Mastery: Conversations with Michael Gervais. 

It was a good one. (Obviously I can’t speak to the podcast on the whole.)

He was interviewing Abby Wambach, a former professional soccer player (highest all-time scorer, regardless of gender) and Olympian.

Many pieces of the conversation were interesting to me, but this little bit was sticky and feels actionable, regardless your goals.

“In order to not have death bed regret, make sure you don’t have bed time regret.”

Takes something long-term, vague, easy to dismiss, and makes it more immediate and digestible.

Unrelated to the quote but something I enjoyed in passing: at some point well into their dialogue, she mentions her wife. It’s the first time in the podcast that the listener learns she’s gay (unless, of course, you already knew).

His next question: “So when did you know you were an athlete?”

It was so refreshing for the end of that question not to be “gay.”

Has nothing to do with the quote or the sentiment, but I had to give it a shout out.

Posted in connections, know better do better, mindset, podcasts

Podcast quote: entitlement and deprivation

Every now and then, I read or hear something that takes a concept I am familiar with and puts it in a new light, adds a new twist, creates more depth.

There was one from Where Should We Begin just a week ago, and today, there’s another.

It becomes a conversation about entitlement and deprivation. Deserving is the entitlement of the deprived. Deprived people don’t just say I want something, it’s OK; they need to deserve it in order to muster the energy to allow themselves to do it. So it becomes a kind of a dialogue with the deprivation. How much have I given of myself to now feel like it’s OK for me to give this to myself? It’s a complete economic system.

I listened to this several times. I’ve thought about it a lot, with more to come, I’m sure.

Deserving is the entitlement of the deprived.

Every context I could think of, whether it be directly in my life or in lives of people around me, this rang true.

I have never linked “deserve,” “entitled,” and “deprived.”

I’m reasonably sure that if, like elementary school vocabulary words, I had to use all three in a sentence, that’s not the sentence I would have come up with.

And yet … here we are.

Can you think of any examples of this that don’t satisfy the statement? I haven’t.

This changes my mindset. It gives me new perspective on some struggles I have. It gives me new perspective on struggles my clients have. Or my students. Or my family.

Deserving is the entitlement of the deprived.

Huh.

Posted in connections, ebb & flow, know better do better, marriage, mindset, parenting, podcasts, thoughtfulness, vulnerability

Podcast quote: problem maintenance

As I mentioned a bit ago, I have been bingeing on Where Should We Begin? by Esther Perel.

The first episode of the second season (“You Need Help to Help Her”), she’s talking with a couple who has a young adult daughter with problems. Most of the details of the episode aren’t relevant to this post, but if you have a child with any sort of mental health issue, you might gain some insight from it.

Basically, there weren’t (known) problems, and suddenly, there were big problems, and the whole family dynamic and structure changed.

At the end, Esther is summing things up, and she says this (emphasis mine):

“When mom speaks of the holistic view, the way I would define it is this. I am a family therapist. I think systemically. I think about problems in context, problems in an ecology, not just what causes them but what maintains them. How is the relationship system, how is the family organized around the problem?”

Maybe you’ve thought about this before, but I’ve never thought specifically about problem maintenance (when the problem doesn’t start as a systemic one).

I’ve been thinking about this and am starting to apply it to my closest relationships.

  • What am I doing that maintains problems? (within my level of awareness)
  • How can I change that? (within my level of control)
  • Where can I connect disconnects to make life happier for everyone who lives here? (within my levels of awareness and control)

Hopefully, in time, we can all connect in to that, but I’m starting first, and we’ll go from there.

Blew my mind.

Problem maintenance.